Indian Traffic

Since I bought a scooter in Jaipur and ventured out to drive on public roads here, I learned the rules of Indian traffic.

1) When you have to get somewhere, just go and who cares about everyone else!

2) Stop only on big traffic lights. If you stop on the smaller junctions, this is when you get killed by 200 other motorist who of course have no time to stop on the red lights.

3) Are you in a rush? Make a short cut and drive up-stream!

4) Wanna have some fun? Drive opposite direction on the runabouts!

5) The hell with riksha-wallas, they are slow anyway.

6) Kill the pedestrians.

7) Helmet only for driver. Who cares about the passengers. If it is your wife, she doesn’t need a helmet anyway, because she is “a safe, multi task woman”: she will sit sideways, hold a baby, a bag of shopping, and will speak on the mobile phone in the same time.

8) Watch out for cows, donkeys, pigs, elephants, camels and those annoying, confused white videsi tourists with “Lonely Planet” in their hand!